Right? (Write?)

I have to be really honest with you … The last thing I feel like doing right at this moment is writing. Which is kind of scary because usually I’m putting off other things to write, whereas right now I’m thinking laundry or dishes sound fine next to this.

Not good. When chores start to sound good, I know something is amiss.

I think I’m avoiding writing because I don’t know where to start. There’s a lot going on in my life right now, and I don’t yet know how to process everything. At least I have some control over doing my chores. Or procrastinating them, whatever …

But I had to start somewhere. Right? (Write?)

So here it goes. And goes and goes and goes …

Sorry, I distracted myself. “And now, back to your regularly scheduled program …”

Why is it that women’s brains work in such a way that we have to deal with everything all at once? I mean, I’ve read studies that show how we’re awesome multi-taskers and how men really suck at that sort of thing, but anyone who’s ever had a five-second conversation with anyone of the opposite sex already knows that, no research grants required. But why isn’t there a way to turn the multitask switch off for a while? Because I would be way less nuts if I could just deal with one thing at a time. For reals.

Here’s what I’m talking about … *CAUTION: Epic meltdown of super-crazy proportions occurring in 3…2…1…*

It-isn’t-snowing-so-we-need-to-find-consistent-jobs-but-there-are-no-jobs-here-and-why-won’t-anyone-hire-me-and-why-does-the-economy-have-to-suck-so-bad-right-now-and-why-in-the-hell-did-I-spend-all-that-money-to-go-back-to-school-anyhow-for-a-degree-that-I’m-not-using-because-no-one’s-hiring-even-though-it-shouldn’t-matter-because-it-should-be-snowing-after-all-this-is-Montana-in-January-and-really?

*breath*

Now-my-husband-has-gotten-a-job-but-he-has-to-go-to-another-state-for-it-and-it’s-a-long-ways-away-and-a-long-time-apart-and-I’m-just-not-sure-I-can-handle-it-but-I-know-I-should-be-grateful-that-he’ll-be-working-and-trust-that-even-though-it-wasn’t-our-plan-maybe-it-is-God’s-plan-and-well-if-that’s-the-case-shouldn’t-we-be-celebrating-but-celebrating-is-really-hard-when-you’re-scared-and-sad?

*breath*

And-right-in-the-middle-of-this-crappy-winter-we-decided-to-start-looking-for-a-new-church-too-which-probably-wasn’t-the-best-timing-but-at-the-time-we-felt-we-were-doing-what-was-best-which-I-still-think-is-the-case-but-job-hunting-and-church-hunting-at-the-same-time-is-sure-stressful-and-why-can’t-God-just-send-us-a-postcard-or-something-telling-us-where-He-wants-us-to-go-because-man-that-would-be-soooo-much-easier-and-then-we-don’t-make-mistakes-and-have-to-try-and-reapply-and-try-and-reapply-and … well-you-get-it.

*breath*

And-our-friends-are-being-awesome-and-they-totally-rock-but-we-don’t-like-asking-for-or-accepting-help-and-sometimes-I-don’t-even-want-to-talk-to-anyone-especially-our-families-who-have-enough-on-their-plates-as-it-is-and-my-sister-is-having-a-baby-in-July-and-how-am-I-going-to-afford-to-go-see-her-when-that-happens-and-how-am-I-going-to-be-a-good-influence-on-her-kid-or-my-students-when-I-can’t-even-take-care-of-myself-right-now-and-all-I-want-to-do-is-go-to-bed-and-hibernate-like-a-bear-and-wake-me-up-when-all-the-bill-collectors-have-forgotten-we-exist-because-right-now-we-can’t-pay-our-bills-and-can’t-move-forward-and-can’t-even-be-thankful-for-what-we-do-have-sometimes-which-is-a-rotten-mindset-and-I-hate-being-here-but-seriously-WHY.IS.THIS.SO.HARD?

*breath … two breaths …*

I wish I had some nice neat way to wrap this all up or draw some deep philosophical conclusion from everything … But I don’t. I can’t get the thoughts to stop moving for long enough to actually get a hold on any one thing. So I’ve just been doing my best to go with the flow of things and try to stay positive, but it’s hard. All of it.

And now, I’m going to do the dishes.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Right? (Write?)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s