I am just not ready.
I’m excited in some ways, but just not ready.
I felt like I could conquer the world when I was a senior in high school. I had already traveled more at 18 years old than most do in their lifetimes. I couldn’t wait for college. I wanted to be a big-shot journalist, maybe with a published book or two on the side. I didn’t hate the idea of going on the stage, either. Maybe I could do it all simultaneously. Rolling Stone? Sign me up. A five-book deal? Absolutely. Fame and fortune? I’m in.
Our 10-year high school reunion might as well have been a million years away. I had time, I had talent, and I had drive.
That’s 10 years gone.
Turns out that at 18 years old, I didn’t really have a clue. Life doesn’t really turn out how an 18-year-old plans that it will. I don’t know how I feel about that, because now looking back I can’t say I have many regrets. I am happily married, and very much at home living in Montana. I have great friends and an awesome family. I hold two Bachelor of Arts degrees. I teach. I travel. I’ve had the opportunity to do and see a lot in the last 10 years.
Maybe it’s just hard coming to terms with how much my expectations for my life have changed.
Today I received my first official notice about our upcoming 10-year high school reunion. My first thought was, “I really can’t be that old, this must be a mistake.” But upon closer examination and several mathematical equations later, I realized it’s true. And I’m just not ready.
Sure, I like the idea of catching up with some old friends. I think it will be wonderfully nostalgic, and a good time had by all. I also think it will be therapeutic for all of us to come together and mourn (many of us for the first time as a group) for classmates we’ve lost over the years.
But can it really be 10 years gone?
Trying to make peace with this is tough. But as usual, Led Zeppelin comes through with some inspired sentiments for me to ponder and put to use here:
“Then, as it was, then again it will be
And though the course may change sometimes
Rivers always reach the sea.” Ten Years Gone