You read it right: There’s nothing a good dose of Led Zeppelin can’t cure.
Cold and flu? Try some “Tea for One.” Suffering from a broken heart? Time to “Ramble On.” Getting ready for a night out on the town with friends? Here’s to “Good Times Bad Times,” being “Dazed and Confused,” and having great “Friends.” And last but not least – move over Barry White – want to get some action? Throw in a “Whole Lotta Love,” and your significant other will be screaming “Thank You!”
All jokes, puns, and plays on words aside, Led really does save lives.
Do you ever get behind a driver on the road that is just asking for it? First this guy over here is cruising in the passing lane at 10 mph below the speed limit … Consequently pacing the slower driver in the right lane and backing up traffic for miles because no one can pass. And how about that idiot over there, who just can’t seem to decide where his turn actually is, and so keeps slowing down and speeding up. Then there’s the moron behind you … One tap of my brakes and he will literally be kissing my ass. No, lady, the left-hand turn lane doesn’t have the right of way. No, dude, you don’t need to come to a complete stop before turning right on a green light. Kid, you need to learn how to use your indicator … I know that brand new Escalade came with one. And you, sir, are you seriously talking on the phone, smoking a cigarette, reading a map and adjusting your radio while driving?!?
DO NOT THROW THAT CIGARETTE BUTT OUT THE WINDOW!!!
It is at this point of the commute that things become somewhat serious. If one more driver even thinks about not stepping on the gas when the light turns green, they are going into the ditch, and I am the one who will unapologetically put them there.
But God’s timing and sense of humor shows up right at this moment. He knows, in all His infinite wisdom, the one thing that will successfully and immediately bring me out of my murderous rage is Led Zeppelin. Any song, any album. There are days I am convinced that the only reason Led Zeppelin exists is to save my fellow motorists from their otherwise miserable fates.
And I have to tell you, the transformation in me is instantaneous. I go from psycho crazy person to happy hippie before the song’s lyrics even begin. My blood pressure, which was just one cigarette butt litterer away from causing a major cardiac episode, returns to normal. Maybe even a little better than normal.
So what is it about Zeppelin that has this effect on me? Is it because they were hard rock godfathers? Plant’s supernatural vocals? Jones’ heavy bass riffs? Page’s sometimes haunting guitar skills? Bonham’s hard (albeit not always consistently timed) beats?
No. It’s the heart and soul. There’s no way to describe the feeling you get when listening to Led. You want to dance and sing. Laugh. Cry. And f*ck. It’s not perfect, but you’ll never find music more real. That’s the magic of Led.
So next time you get the feeling “Your Time is Gonna Come” or you’re contemplating “What Is and What Should Never Be,” just remember “The Song Remains the Same.” “That’s the Way” to “Rock and Roll” “When the Levee Breaks.”
Do you have a Led Zeppelin song stuck in your head yet? Good.
That’s “Nobody’s Fault but Mine.“